The Woman Behind the Diagnosis - Part 1
A diagnosis can change so much about your life. The plans you've made, the things you've looked forward to, and even the simplest activities you once enjoyed may suddenly become difficult or impossible. You may find yourself spending more time in doctors' offices than doing the things you love. Meanwhile, you watch family, friends, and others continue living their lives, celebrating milestones, traveling, and making plans for the future. You're genuinely happy for them, yet somewhere in your heart, you may think, "I want that too." You miss the freedom to make plans without considering your health, the ability to do things without becoming exhausted, and the life you once knew. You may begin wondering how you're supposed to accept a life that looks so different from the one you imagined.
Then there are the struggles you may rarely speak about. The frustration of waking up exhausted, the disappointment of canceling plans, and the emotional toll of depending on others for things you once managed yourself. Some days, you feel hopeful and determined. Other days, you're discouraged, overwhelmed, or simply tired of being sick. You may even feel guilty for having those emotions, especially when you know there are people facing circumstances far more difficult than your own. You begin dismissing your feelings, convincing yourself that you have no right to complain because someone else has it worse. Yet your suffering deserves acknowledgment, too.
Living with an illness can also affect your relationship with God in ways you never anticipated. You may have spent years praying, studying His Word, encouraging others, and trusting Him through difficult circumstances. Now you're facing something that has shaken you deeply, and you find yourself asking questions you once thought your faith had already settled. Why did God allow this? Why hasn't He answered your prayers for healing? How much longer will you have to endure this? You may hesitate to admit these questions because you've always considered yourself a woman of strong faith. You're struggling to understand how you can love God so deeply while experiencing anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, frustration, or even resentment over what you're going through.
One of the hardest things to reconcile with your faith is accepting what God has allowed you to experience, especially when you're suffering and cannot understand why. You believe wholeheartedly in God's sovereignty. You know He has the power to heal you, restore your health, and change your circumstances. You've read about His miracles, witnessed His goodness, and experienced His faithfulness in your own life. So when you're praying for relief and your condition remains the same, or even worsens, accepting His will can become an enormous struggle. You know what God is capable of doing, and that knowledge can make the unanswered questions even more difficult.
He is the same God you praised wholeheartedly yesterday, before your circumstances changed, before the diagnosis, before the suffering, and before the questions you never imagined you'd have to ask. His character hasn't changed, and neither has His faithfulness. Think about the times He has sustained you through difficulties you once wondered how you would survive. Remember the prayers He has answered, the strength He has given you, and the ways He has provided for you throughout your life. Those experiences are still part of your testimony, and they deserve a place in your thoughts even as you struggle with what you're facing today.
This is where your faith may be tested in ways you never expected. Can you continue to trust God when you don't understand what He's allowing? Can you praise Him when your body is hurting and your prayers seem unanswered? Can you accept His sovereignty when His will differs from what you've been asking Him to do? These are difficult questions, especially when you're physically exhausted and emotionally overwhelmed. You may find yourself reading Scripture, praying, and asking God to help you accept His will while still desperately wishing your circumstances were different. Be patient with yourself as you work through these feelings, and continue seeking Him even when you don't have the answers.
If you're struggling with anger, disappointment, resentment toward God, or questioning why this is happening to you, I encourage you to examine those feelings and speak openly with Him about them. Tell Him what hurts, what frightens you, and what you're having difficulty accepting. Read the Psalms and you'll discover that even those who loved God deeply cried out to Him in anguish, questioned their circumstances, and pleaded for relief. In Psalm 13, David repeatedly asks God, "How long?" His words give us an example of bringing our distress before God. You can approach Him with honesty and humility, asking Him to help you understand your feelings and guide your heart toward greater trust in Him.
Accepting God's will can be especially difficult when it means surrendering the plans and expectations you've held for your life. You may have envisioned traveling, pursuing new opportunities, spending more time with loved ones, or accomplishing things you've worked toward for years. Now you're facing limitations you never anticipated, and the uncertainty of your health makes planning for the future difficult.
Proverbs 16:9 reminds us, "The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."
We can make plans with every intention of seeing them fulfilled, yet ultimately, God determines the course of our lives. As you pray for healing and strength, ask Him to help you accept what you cannot change, recognize what remains possible, and trust His wisdom as you make decisions about your future.
There may be days when you feel grateful, encouraged, and determined to enjoy the things you're still able to do. There may also be days when the physical discomfort, exhaustion, or uncertainty becomes overwhelming. Psalm 34:18 tells us, "The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Consider those words when you're sitting alone with your thoughts, struggling with your emotions, or wondering how much more you can endure. God knows the burdens you're carrying, including the ones you've never shared with another person. His compassion extends to those moments when you're emotionally exhausted and struggling to find the strength to pray.
As you adjust to the changes in your health, pay attention to how you speak to yourself and how you view your life. You may have begun measuring your days by what you can no longer accomplish, the activities you've missed, or the opportunities you believe have passed you by. Those thoughts can gradually affect your emotional well-being and your ability to appreciate what remains within your reach. You may need to reconsider your priorities, adjust your expectations, and find different ways to enjoy the people and activities you love. Allow yourself to make those adjustments without feeling that you've failed or fallen behind. Your physical limitations deserve consideration, and so do your emotional and spiritual needs.
As you continue through this experience, I encourage you to remain close to God, even on the days when you struggle to pray, read Scripture, or understand what He's doing in your life. Ask Him for the strength to face each day, the wisdom to make decisions concerning your health, and the patience to endure what remains beyond your control. Allow yourself to receive love, encouragement, and assistance from those who care about you. Continue bringing your questions before God and asking Him to guide you toward acceptance and peace. Your diagnosis may have changed many things about your life, and you may still be learning how to live with those changes. Through it all, remember that God's love for you has never diminished.
He's right by your side, and He's closer to you now than He's ever been.
With Love,
Sotiria Huggins
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